What do you do for your pizza? (not the meaning you think)

Unless you bought it with money you earned, I doubt you'd ever say you did anything to earn a pizza - or any food. Yet when it comes to food, that may be the first thing you think of, right? Probably the only one, in fact.

What was the first thing you recall buying with your own money? I remember taking my grandpa to the movies - buying his ticket, popcorn, everything. I felt so proud! From the release date, I'm sure it was for Father's Day. But, given the year, I don't think the Dick Tracy movie would have been the first time I bought something with my own money. I guess maybe I just recall it being special for some reason. Maybe because he's no longer here.

I'm sure you have a special moment like that, too. But, I want to dwell on the other meaning. as in, "I did that for my grandpa." Not to earn a grandpa, but for the benefit of my grandpa, out of my love for him.

I know, you're probably saying, "This guy's flipped. Why would I do something for the benefit of my favorite food? Even what I do to it - adding my favorite toppings - I do all for myself, because I'm hungry and I want to eat."

I know. That, believe it or not, is my point.

The Treasure of Love

I won't dwell on the 4 kinds of love in Greek, you can learn about them anywhere, including one of my blogs.  I talk about true love in it, too, and what that is. One big part is about giving.

When we love someone, we should be thinking of them. Otherwise, wht good does it do to just do whatever we want.

Say, for instance, someone wants a relationship and decides, "I'm going to take them to everyplace I like, not pay attention to them unless I want, and only look at what I can get out of it." That wouldn't make sense, right? That's no different than we do with food, inf act: We get the kind of food we want whenever we want it, eat it, and that's that.

Love is a treasure because it is somethign which can be shared. It's where we put others first, in fact. Because the right people will see that we matter, too. Yes, it's wonderful to have someone to share thigns with. But, the way to get someone to take an interest in the things you want is to take an interest in them.

You might find out something special about what you love that you never even thought about, in fact. Or, you might find even better things.

Don't Add, Multiply; plus Fun Discussions

A "Family Circus" comic strip panel years ago had the mother being asked how she divides her love between 4 children. she says she doesn't divide it, she multiplies it.

The same holds true for us. Exxcept often, we think at least of adding. "Well, I used to love playing video games, now I have a significant other, so I just added another interest." Becasue at least if we're really interested in this person, we'll spend more of our time with them than we do our video games, right? I mean, if your date cancels because they're close to a new high score in PacMan (boy, I just dated myself :-) ) or spends all his time on the date talking about Space Invaders (wow, even further back! What's next, Pong?), the relationship's over. 

But, you can multiply love, instead. Suppose your date tells you (as I just learned myself) that the Blogger spellcheck suggests replacing PacMan with Panama. That could lead to a funny discussion on a number of levels - funny spell checking mistakes, the idea of a video game named Panama, PacMan digging the canal by himself by eating through the crust (which can lead to the fact he's yellow on the video game and a joke or two about the yellow fever which killed so many workers there), you have developed some interesting discussion topics.

What I did in that last bit was basic word association. It's one possible strategy for conversation. Anotgher good way is to ask questions. Maybe you heard an interesting story about something and want to know it's true, or just want to know more about the person. It can be hard, but one good way to open up, from what I've found, is to poke a little fun at yourself or just admit you struggle. For instance, I like to make a little joke of it. "It's hard to know how to begin," I'll say, "so I'll just impersonate a game show host and say, 'Tell me your name, where you're from, and a little about yourself.'" Or something similar that sounds like what a game show host might do when first meeting the contestants.

The point is, you're multiplying the number of thigns you can talk about, as well as taking an interest in the other person. You're not just looking for what you can get. You're learning how to interact and whether you are even compatible.

Getting back to the original analogy, when we think about what others might enjoy (a comic strip that they loved which wasbecoming a movie), we can show our appreciation for others. We can be thankful they are in our lives.

When we are more thankful, then, we can grow our relationships more. That doesn't mean we have to marry the very first person we date, but we realize that life isn't just about increasing what we want, or getng whatever we desire, it's about helping others.

Of course, that's increasing our own joy, anyway. So, in some ways, it is benefiting us, anyway. Because as we multiply thigns in our lives, we can feel more loved, cared for, and so on. By getting rid of those relationships which tear us down, and increasing those which help us to grow, we end up able to be more thankful and feel more fulfilled.