Adulting, part 4, Choosing Your Battles, Coping With Stress

  So, a few years from now, you got the bills washed, the dishes paid, you’re folding dinner and waiting to get the wash out of the oven. 😊 Still, you usually keep things straight. You trust God to guide you in big and small things so hopefully you make the most of your relationship with Him so He helps you stay positive.

Let’s go beyond Matthew 18. You learned it to deal with disputes. Yet, relationships mean more than working things out - or avoiding what happened in those crazy stories. You’ll interact with co-workers, family, neighbors, and other relationships as an ambassador for Christ. Sadly, we have far more drama than when I grew up, let alone what’s on Sesame Street. Though, could you interact with monsters who gobble cookies or grouches in trash cans in stride? 😊

 

Being Able to Think. This means more than what Phi. 4:8 says to think on. From being fed info to knowing how to look things up without thinking, knowing how to think can get lost, even if it’s not the extreme of a recent “Zits” comic where the teen tries to get his weather app to work as a sprinkle becomes a monsoon.

You know basics like syllogisms, even if you think that sounds like a medicine. You know: “All animals have 4 legs. All dogs are animals. Therefore, all dogs have 4 legs.” That’s a syllogism. You know exceptions (one born with 3) are so rare the conclusion is still true. You know to care for exceptions and not ignore or discard them. You know you can’t prove animals have 4 by saying all dogs have 4 since there are many kinds of animals. And, reversing the words makes it false since tables are not animals.

Why is thinking important? God gave us minds & logic. We have Scripture to guide us; faith isn’t blind. Acts 17:3, 18:28, etc., Jesus’ sayings, etc. show reasoning from Scripture.  We spot lies by thinking, too. Satan tempted Eve by questioning God’s Word, saying she and Adam could be gods. The Antichrist will do the same – the Mark of the Beast could carry a promise of immortality, which scientists already talk of being possible with machines, etc. helping us. But we who know Jesus can be sure of life in God’s perfect Heaven, with no fear, no pain, etc. Only God promises eternity without sin.

Remember how, if I say I’m King of Belgium, what I do says nothing about their real king? This helps you if people put down Jesus because of phonies. You can share who Jesus really is, & how a person can be a true follower – tell them to trust Him to save them and make them new inside, & let Him love, guide, comfort, etc. It also helps throughout life. It’s a way to show how thinking helps us understand context.

Context means learning details, not jumping to conclusions. Here’s an example. In 1st or 2nd grade I was out of school on mobility training with my mobility teacher. My great aunt saw us & wondered who the teacher was. She didn’t know handicapped kids got help learning things like navigating streets. She didn’t panic and call the cops – she did shout “who are you?” at the teacher as she drove by – but she called my mom and asked and it was explained. It’s important to be sensible and listen to others.

Thinking also means being kind, compassionate, etc. – like to that dog with 3 legs or a person who doesn’t get social cues or has other handicaps. God wants to mold us into the image of Jesus in love, goodness, service, thankfulness, etc.. That means knowing Jesus as personal Saviour. Then, it means growing. Helping others is part of being ambassadors for Christ. Ps. 139:14 says “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” We can say, “If I am, you are, too.”

He made us all unique. Some things, like a fear of roller coasters, spiders, etc. might never disappear. Others, you can trust God to know how to help you overcome. It depends on your calling, which we’ll explore later.

People lie, too, of course. It’s part of the world’s system(1 John 2:15-17) which is against God. It’s like the Antichrist’s system which will make people think they can be gods. It’ll be a trick to get people to worship the devil so he can take them down. Sound reasoning means seeing differences, like between “a” and “the.” Some say that they met someone who says they’re a messiah for instance. We know from the Bible Jesus is the only true Messiah.

Thankfully, we won’t be deceived by the antichrist. Still, we can be fooled by the devil– and by the world’s system - if we’re not careful. The powers of this world want to take from you – even your freedom – and use for themselves. That’s the world’s system that ignores God and hates the little guy. Ever notice all politicians have gas guzzling limos & planes and fancy homes and aren’t bothered by high prices like we are?

Thankfully, Jesus sets you free when you know Him. We can think on eternal treasure. Where our treasure is, there will our hearts be also. Nothing cantake those away.(Mat. 6:19-21)

 

Pick Your Battles Wisely: Waiting before replying is wise in talking as well as online. It’s easier to wait than to take anything back that shouldn’t have been said. As the Bible says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”’ You can easily say “I forgot what I was going to say” if you need to back away from what you were going to say.

Our flesh nature means we struggle with this at times; I’ll be so glad to be free from it in Heaven. We want to be right. That’s why I say we’re not here to win arguments – we’re here to win souls to Jesus. Fighting over everything makes it worse; we get hypervigilant and interact badly. It hurts relationships and makes us bitter. We can calmly share things. But, crazy stuff like correcting grammar online is never a top priority. 😊

Having the right priorities is another reason to pick your battles. A pastor once visited a man who wouldn’t walk a few blocks to see his boy due to cracked sidewalks. The pastor, after learning the man’s reason for not being an active parent, wisely asked him if that summary was right, and he said “yes.” I walk a lot even with 1 eye a bit worse & would do more if need be, but I’m used to it so I don’t need a cane. He could see very well. He needed help to believe he could walk on them. That meant faith in God.

Godly priorities let us show what’s important to God (like people over inconvenience) so we can be better ambassadors for Christ. I’m sure you see how offering to help him learn is better than complaining about what he won’t do. (I can see you telling him when you’ll be at his place to help him learn, in fact.)

Of course, some struggle more. Understanding them is part of context. Say someone fears dogs. Getting context means knowing not all dogs attack. We pick our battles by knowing when to accept they can’t or won’t, & when to help. When we had club in my house each month 15 years ago, I put my sweet, friendly Golden Retriever in a large crate – his “house” - with a treat since at least 1 kid was scared of dogs. The right priority was to show Jesus’ love while teaching. (He was used to it, too; he went there for clients as well.)

But we can’t help by just accepting every little thing, if they have confused priorities like that man with the sidewalk issue. We should lovingly help them grow. How and when to do that is part of making wise, Godly choices.

Someone with something like PTSD, or anything that impacts their life, can learn what they have, what triggers them, and how to overcome. Taking my mobility example, if someone with PTSD doesn’t know what’s going on, they can still know themselves enough to say, “I might be worrying needlessly” and pray for God to help them. They can still choose to avoid picking fights if they’re feeling tense someday, knowing they are just hypervigilant because of whatever happened in their childhood.

God might want to help them overcome, too. My mom was a nurse for 35 years. As a kid she got weak at not only the sight of blood but also if her younger brother said the word. But if a person isn’t led to let God help them, they should accept others who have overcome and not hold them back. We’re all unique with our own callings.

Some people are toxic - they tear us down, etc. . We should try to help them elarn to be kind, etc., or give them space, choosing our battles based on Godly principles. If we’ve tried to listen & help them through struggles, yet they won’t stop being toxic, we can distance ourselves. But it should be done in a spirit of love, being ready to welcome them back like the Prodigal Son when they’re ready to learn to be kind, caring, etc.

By knowing Godly principles, you can calmly help someone to be more level-headed. Show you’re willing to listen if they need to talk, so you learn what’s needed. Like if they have balance issues & can’t find a cane… well, just search “make walking stick” on YouTube. Some people need to talk so much they start unloading a world of worries – help them unpack those and work on each while sharing how they can take worries to Jesus and He’ll give them peace as they work through it. They just need a helping hand.

Aside from relieving our stress and showing Godly priorities, there are other reasons to choose battles – limited time, etc.. Most such blogs aren’t Biblically based but are “self-help.” We know to rely on God’s help. That being said, God gives you strength when you trust Him to read such things and see what’s Biblical and what isn’t. (Like James 1:5 promises wisdom.) Active listening, compassion, etc. are Biblical. Jesus was a very active listener, after all, and still is with how He hears and cares when we speak with Him. Others are only if the focus is God (like meditating on Him, His Word, His love, prayer, etc.)

He’ll helps you help others. My nephew Marshall at 16 was always asked for wisdom by friends. He actively listened very well & lived for God. (And, he would ask God for wisdom or his family if he needed guidance. He knew God was working & didn’t try to do it all himself.)

 

Follow God’s Calling: Say you hate cold weather. If you don’t know why you hate it, you might hate the idea of being called to be a missionary unless it’s someplace where it’s warm all the time. But God can give you the (voluminous) clothing to put up with it, and help you learn to deal with things like lots of snow.

This may seem to be about our walk with God. But as ambassadors, we should go where we’re called. The British Ambassador to the US would look silly trying to represent British citizens and businesses in the US from an office in Paris, France.

You’re each called to be a missionary at your school. A few are at McKinley now, but it’s a big field. If they’re Godly leaders you’ll get reinforcements next year; I think Diamond, Zebree, & Adrianna all enter 9th then. God calls us to team up at times. Unity as believers is vital. Do you pray for each other & for classmates and teachers? Do you help others? Is there a good Gospel club in your school?

Calling doesn’t just mean full-time ministry. It can be to pick up people for work or church if you drive, though I can see a lot of bicycles used in the future. It can be any number of ways to help. We earn rewards in Heaven for it. Plus, it’s a strong witness for Jesus.

You can see how what I said applies in your life, based on people you know & situations you’ve seen. Maybe you need to give someone courage or even go with them through a hard decision. Maybe you can help someone think reasonably about a topic as a neutral, or help them see the best priorities. Or so many other things. The point is that as this world becomes darker, we must shine the brightest so people see Jesus and want to know Him as Saviour. This means to be known by our love each day, and admitting when we fail and working to do better and even to correct any area where we messed up.

We can learn much by copying Jesus in how He lived and acted. He didn’t force others to follow Him. He lovingly guided and encouraged them so they would want to. Like Him, and lie Marshall in my example above, you can help, too, just pray for God to lead you where He wants you. You don’t need to certified to be a life coach – you can just have Godly wisdom like I said Marshall did as a team. Just remember, if you help people gain courage, listen and help them through problems, show them how to do something, or whatever, trust God and give Him all the glory. He’s the one who gave you the ability to do it, after all.